Mine’s A Large One
This time of year life seems so much better through the bottom of a glass, miserable weather, everyone is fed-up, hate their jobs, want a holiday……need I go on.
But fear not, it could of course be worse, instead of merrily (or not so merrily as the case may be) supping at your third Pinot Grigio of the evening and debating whether John Madejski dies his hair or the benefits of over the counter Viagra, you could be shaving all your hair off and going into re-hab!
Having to make the decision whether to have a glass of wine or a gin and tonic out of my pathetic array of coinage and pennies before pay day arrives, does at times seem the better option. You’re not going to hear what’s the record number of straws a man can fit in his mouth, or whether piles is going to be a problem for sister Annie when she has her baby and Oooo do you think it’s a girl or a boy debate on how round, fat, thin her ‘lump’ is in the noveau swish uber cool bar’s of LA!
No where else than your local bar or pub will you hear conversations worrying over Mozart the Iguana in Antwerp and whether he will have to have his penis amputated from being continually aroused for a week after mating with his beau, but don’t let your eyes water too much as lucky old iguana’s have two….now there’s another conversation to be had, but definitely during a head swimming grape & grain session in the early hours of the morning!
Don’t get me wrong there are plenty of serious conversations to be had in every watering hole; your local has to be the best place for straw polls on any subject. The old boy sitting in the corner donning a flat cap rather than a cravat will astound you with mind boggling facts and figures on UK and worldwide carbon emissions….he has a few emissions himself, but I don’t think he’s aware!
No, perhaps our mundane lives are not so bad after-all and at least I can take comfort by knowing that I have succeeded further with my New Year’s Resolutions than any of my drinking chums.
Mr Sports Car who has a monthly tab the size of the third world debt, failed miserably with his resolution of not drinking all January, when we partook in a wee vodka snifter or two on January 3rd!
The suave and sophisticated cigar smoker is of course back on the cigars, but hats off he lasted well into February! Pointless asking any of the local media types what happened to theirs, purely pie in the sky hideously unachievable ones if at all they can remember making any but as a good friend of mine would say, ‘we’ve all done it’!
As, for myself, mine was to not have passed away from alcohol poisoning before I am 40….ha ha…I am streaks ahead, but maybe only just!
So all in all we think we deserve a pat on the back for doing so well with our alcohol abstinence and upholding the art of political and utterly ridiculous debate to which we should all feel very proud.
Mine’s a large one!
